Serenity Prayer: Decision Processing

This beautiful prayer has multiple versions and is able to quickly summarize some very simple concepts to understand. The practice of this prayer, however, seems to be more difficult to develop proficiency in for most people and may take many years or decades. The most popular portion of the prayer goes something like the following:

"God, grant me the serenity

to accept the things I cannot change;

Courage to change the things I can;

And wisdom to know the difference."

There are multiple aspects of these lines above that seem so wise and relatable. We have likely seen this struggle in ourselves, in our past, and within our friends and family that may have struggled through tough times as well.

Can you think of a moment in your life where you've spent countless hours of time and energy trying to change something that is beyond your control? Sometimes, it could be things that you have no direct nor indirect influence with. Sometimes, it could be with a person or a relationship. Sometimes, it could be something that occurred in the past. Whatever the case, most people have spent an incredible amount of time and energy working away or dwelling, for far too long, on things that cannot be controlled. And this can be quite understandable for multiple reasons. It can be difficult to recognize that something may be beyond our control or influence. Even if a person is able to identify and recognize that accurately, accepting that as a fact may be a process within itself.

At times, there can be situations where we know we are able to change things or deliver an impact. There are situations where taking action can be very easy. And sometimes, following through on those actions can be more challenging than one would hope. Depending on what it is, we may feel lazy, it could be daunting, it may require a lot of effort or work, it may be challenging to be well-positioned to take action, there could be risks, and there could be opportunity costs to your time and energy. And of course, it may take courage to overcome some of these challenges and barriers to change those things that may be within your sphere of influence.

Knowing the difference between what you can control and what you cannot control can be an interesting task. Most of the time, it may appear to be quite simple, and the decision is easy. Sometimes, you may think you have control of something and spend endless amounts of energy and effort on only to realize you may not truly have any control at all. Are situations where we quickly decide that we have no control or influence, but we haven't given ourselves enough credit? We may be more powerful and influential than we think at times. Properly having the wisdom to know the difference between what one can change and what one cannot requires an assessment and decision process. Luckily, this process gets easier and easier with practice.

This prayer summarizes very well what I believe to be needed for almost every decision-making process. When any situation arises, a decision process emerges. One way to organize it would be in the fashion below:

1) Can I do anything about this situation?

If No, then go to step 2.

If Yes, what are my option(s) and evaluate each combination of options.

Then decide if you want to take action on any of the evaluated options.

If Yes, proceed and adjust as necessary.

If No, go to step 2.

2) Do I defer this situation to a future time or to someone else?

If Yes, proceed (and deal with this situation in a future time or delegate to another person).

If No, then you may want to release (remove away/cut away/stay away from) this situation and focus on other items, situations, or people. This can be very simple for some situations and can require some processing time for other situations.

In a nutshell, this is predominantly what occurs during a decision-making process. Here's a few basic examples we can apply it to. For instance, a person can select a beverage to drink in a very typical scenario. So, a person is able to impact a decision by having the ability to choose from a variety of beverage choices. The person feels like having a beverage that is carbonated. Evaluating the choices and seeing sparkling water as well as carbonated sodas, the person decides and reaches for the sparkling water. Another example might be a woman asking if she is able to change her boyfriend who has a toxic personality. The answer to the first question might be no which takes her to the second step which is to ask herself if she wants to defer the situation to a future time (continue stay in the relationship) or defer to someone else (potentially a counselor or therapist). If the answer to that second question is "No", she might decide to release him and to spend her time and energy on finding someone else that is more deserving of her.

Some questions may have very quick answers such as selecting a beverage, and some other questions can be more complicated such as deferring on ending a relationship even though a person may have hunches that it is the right thing to do. With practice and with intentional practice on decision-making, a person generally gets better and better.

Serenity Prayer: Decision Processing